Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
