I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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