Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
