Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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