Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
