Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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