dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
