sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I forget how to act sober
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
