Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
birth control should be required to get into college
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
