We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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