I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
