I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
