i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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