I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
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Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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