I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I need water and some morals
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
