We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
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I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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