if you like me you must not know who I am
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
