Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So much rum. So many feels.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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