if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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