Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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