I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
