after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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