i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
