ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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