I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
