the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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