Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
