I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
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I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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