He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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