Your face is a jimmy john
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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