as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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