The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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