Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
