Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
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I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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