So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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