I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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