Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
