I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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