boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
