You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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