Me too!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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