Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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