No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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