I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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