We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
