I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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