Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
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hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
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I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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