he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Randomize
