true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
