Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
All I want is dick and wine.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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