If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
