It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
