he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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