I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
