Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
