thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
