Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
