He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
