I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
