I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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