how can u be prego again
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
