Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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