my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
