he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
