I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
honey bunches of taint.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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