those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
