Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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