do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My feet surprised me
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