I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize