I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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