ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
