The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
